In commemoration of… well, I can’t think of anything related to British crime drama news to relate this to, so we’ll just get on with these four true stories of British crime gone bizarrely wrong. Sadly, these stories may be a lot lighter than usual.
Lollipop Man has his stick stolen on camera.
Well, I guess I should have to explain something: namely a “Lollipop Man” is what Brits call crossing guards; but that’s about the only explanation I can give for this story.
An elderly lollipop man in Coventry was busy making sure that kids could safely cross the streets of Stoke (Humber Road specifically) when, suddenly, a thug came by him and tried to wrestle away his crossing sign, eventually taking it away. The incident was caught on video and can be seen here:
Shortly afterward, a passerby saw a VauxhallVectra with three people in it drive away from the scene of the crime, and followed it. After it stopped, one man came out carrying the sign. The passerby confronted him and made him give the stick back. Unfortunately, the crossing guard, despite getting his sign back, was too distraught to go back to work, with a policeman saying: “This is a particularly senseless offence against an elderly man, who is carrying out a public duty. [It has] devastated him after so many years of devoted service.”Sadly, at no point did anyone explain WHY these hooligans wanted the sign to begin with. You’d think they’d try to commit more interesting crimes, speaking of which:Heisenberg theFurby.
Well, before I say this, I will say that, from a man whose bedroom is, for all intents and purposes, a library with hundreds of books and films, Walter White of Breaking Bad may very well be the most fully-realised character in all fiction. That said, I don’t know why Hasbro would make a Furby that sounds something like him.
For Christmas 2013, Zoe Mennie of Glasgow got a newly relaunched Furby for Christmas, and as someone who had two Furbies back in their original incarnation, I can understand why she’d want it. But something went horribly wrong.
Quoth her mum Lisa: “I don’t really think it’s appropriate for a child. It has two personalities. One is a sweet, baby Furby and then, without warning, it suddenly turns into what Zoe calls ‘that big fat man’ which talks in a gruff American male voice and burps and farts. It says things like, ‘oh baby’ and ‘oh sugar’ in this seedy man’s voice and it told Zoe it didn’t like her, which upset her. Zoe is quite perturbed – it sounds like something out of an American TV show like Breaking Bad or Prison Break.”
Eventually, Lisa managed to figure out how to reset it, but the “big fat man” came back. Quite frankly, short of some rogue programmer messing with the original programming and making a cute toy into something rude and unpleasant or demonic possession, I can’t imagine how it would end up like this. I’m honestly tempted to say it was just some sort of “Special Glasgow Edition,” playing on the popular stereotype, but that wouldn’t explain why it was American.
Lisa added: “The crazy man’s voice came on again last night. And it does a lot of belching and farting. One of Zoe’s friends was round and I was concerned she would go back home copying what she’d heard. I have to keep resetting it but now Zoe is wary of it. She doesn’t know when it will suddenly become the evil Furby.”
Apparently, Hasbro says the new Furby was meant to have two personalities, with one being nice and one being meaner if the kid doesn’t show it enough attention. But that explanation doesn’t exactly wash, especially given that, in many cases, it becomes “nasty” even if it is lavished with attention. Quoth one mother: “Our daughter was doting on the thing. What more could it want?” Nor does it explain the farting, American voice, and seedy phrases Zoe heard. I’ve seen videos of the Angry Furby, and I’ve only heard the belching and hatred.
Couple threatened with eviction for feeding the birds.
Eric and Sally Goleby of Hickling, Norfolk have been threatened with eviction due to some heinous action, namely, feeding the birds outside their bungalow.
Victory Housing Trust, who owns their bungalow, gave them an ASBO because their bird-feeding led to damage to local vehicles, warning them that if they continued, they could face legal action or even be evicted. The letter can be seen here.
However, a spokesman for the Trust said a complaint had been investigated and the case closed, and that theGolebys can feed the birds with impunity, at least for now, as it says it will look into “threatening” letters sent in by tenants.Quoth Eric Goleby: “After living in Hickling all my life this really hurts. Feeding the birds as we do is not anti-social – far from it. It’s a real privilege to be able to see the birds come here to feed,” said the retired factory worker. Our lives would be bare without the birds. We have always fed them throughout the years because we love wildlife.”
QuothASBO officer CharlotteMcKnespiey: “The complaints received relate to food waste being thrown into your garden and neighbouring gardens. This behaviour is attracting birds which are causing damage to vehicles in the area. If the problems persist or getworse then we willadvise you of this and may well consider legal actionalongside our partner agencies. Legal action can ultimately lead to the seizure of equipment, prosecution or the demotion or loss of your tenancy. I would ask that you contact me on the above number as a matter of urgency to discuss this matter.”Mr. Goleby insists he buys the feed from aStalham pet shop and puts it in a bird feeder, getting attention from birds from pigeons, to jackdaws to starlings to pheasants.According to the RSPB, feeding garden birds is necessary for their survival in winter when food is scarce.The Royal Society for the Protection of Birds (RSPB) said that feeding garden birds is absolutely key to their survival during winter when food is scarce.
Woman forced to show ID for £1 fruit salad.
A few “Britain’s Least Wanteds” ago, I looked at a 16-year-old boy who had to show ID before he could buy teaspoons (apparently because Tesco feared it could be used as drug paraphernalia), but here’s a more ridiculous thing.
Kate Lancaster of Plymouth went to the self-service checkout to buy a £1 cup of fruit salad, but it insisted that it was “security tagged” and “requiring ID.” Since she was really 37, she managed to get it with no further problem (at least after she got an employee to bother to clear her), but she was still curious as to why. When she finally got an explanation, she was told that a new policy meant: “fruit will be age verified in case natural fermentation takes place”.
Her email to Tesco said: “I used your self service tills, and there was a problem with the melon which came up as security tagged. The woman who was meant to be looking after the tills was stood at the end, chatting with her friend. Eventually I caught her eye and she walked over. She didn’t smile or say hello, but just reached over to scan her card. I made a joke about the melon being security tagged and she actively blanked me, made no response whatsoever other than to continue talking to her friend over my head.”
Quoth Kate Lancaster, “When I got the response from Tesco I told my friend at work and we fell about laughing – it’s just incredulous. You couldn’t make it up… They would be doing the exact opposite to what is recommended, they promote healthy eating in kids. Me and my friend chatted about it at work and I really wanted to get a response on it because it’s crazy.”
After the news became viral, another Tesco spokesman said: “I’m really sorry that you received this email and please let me assure you that we will not be asking for ID for fruit in our stores. Our customer service colleague’s comment about natural fermentation was meant as a joke – we’re sorry if it was taken literally. Of course we have no plans to age restrict fruit sales. Our team have apologised for any confusion and are sending Mrs Lancaster a fruit basket as a gesture of goodwill.”
